Content Warning: Spoilers for Benjamin Howard’s 2023 drama “Riley.” The movie contains strong language, including homophobic slurs, and sexual situations (so don’t watch this with your parents).

“Riley” is a 2023 coming-of-age film about a high school athlete, Dakota Riley (Jake Holley), who faces immense pressure from his family and community to fit the mold of the perfect, masculine rising football star, all while quietly struggling with his attraction to men.

The movie uses a disjointed narrative to explore Dakota’s character. It opens with Riley, sporting a fresh black eye, going to an older man’s house for what is revealed to be a semi-anonymous hook-up. As Riley interacts with this older man, we get glimpses of his personal struggles, which are then explored in greater depth in subsequent sequences.

Dakota is a football player at his San Diego High School and is likely to be recruited to play football at a good college, which is another step towards playing in the major leagues. Or something (I don’t know how football works).

Dakota is “friends” with a cute female athlete, Skylar (Riley Quinn Scott), which evolves into a romantic relationship. Dakota clearly likes Skylar, who seems pretty, kind, and down to hang out, but he’s unable to take things further with her because he doesn’t seem sexually attracted to women. His relationship is further complicated by his growing attraction to his best friend and teammate, Jaeden (Colin McCalla), and by whatever is going on between him and openly gay classmate Liam (Connor Storrie).

The only reason this movie was on my radar was that I enjoy looking at Connor Storrie’s face. My YouTube algorithm fed me videos of his random acting projects until curiosity got the better of me and I found the movie on Tubi. Two minutes of Googling also showed that the movie was filmed in East County, San Diego, and since I lived in San Diego for a few years (and had the best dessert of my life at a bakery in Spring Valley), I love movies that remind me of that dry wasteland.

Throughout the film, Dakota struggles with his attraction to Jaeden, who is temporarily living in the Riley household after being kicked out of his own for unknown reasons. Jaeden appears to be straight, or mostly straight, although not above enjoying attention from his gay classmates. The interactions between him and Dakota toe the line between friendly brotherhood and one-sided romantic infatuation.

Dakota also has a “situation” (I’m not sure what to call it) with Liam, his friend and French partner. Connor Storrie is easily the strongest performer in the movie, although I wasn’t sure what to make of his character. Liam is openly mocked by Dakota’s teammates for being gay, but is unafraid of conflict and shows great bravery in confronting them in a tense scene that vaguely reminded me of all the “Degrassi” I watched in the early 00s.

But then later in the movie, Liam realizes Dakota may have more than just a passing curiosity in other guys. He tries to get an honest answer from Dakota about his feelings (which he never gives, and we never get, but we can fill in the blanks). Dakota awkwardly stammers and stalls, and his beautiful blue eyes fill with tears for the 400th time, so Liam interprets that as enthusiastic consent and initiates a sexual encounter with him. I guess Liam thought the “don’t take advantage of the crying girl” rule didn’t apply because Dakota isn’t a girl. But Liam also claims that Skylar is his best friend, and I’m pretty sure “don’t hook up with your bff’s boyfriend” applies regardless of gender.

Despite Liam’s questionable actions, I felt bad for him and just about every other person who interacted with Dakota, especially Skylar. Dakota causes considerable emotional harm to those around him on his personal journey, even though he doesn’t intend to (intent vs impact, my guy). Poor Skylar, who tries her best to be a supportive ally and cool girlfriend, only to be cheated on multiple times by her confused boyfriend and betrayed by her supposed “best friend.”

Jaeden, the cool jock who I probably would have been intimidated by in high school, broke my heart in a scene towards the end of the movie, when he and Riley share an uncomfortable sexual encounter, leading Jaeden to realize his best bro may have more than platonic feelings for him. Jaeden later quietly asks Dakota not to say anything to his parents because he “doesn’t want to get kicked out again.” That moment of vulnerability between the two, where they affirm their friendship, was a standout in this movie.

I even felt bad for the older man Dakota almost sleeps with. That guy was honest from the get-go about wanting a no-strings-attached hook-up, and instead had to contend with Dakota’s unique blend of hot-and-cold instructions, mutating what should have been a fun afternoon into an impromptu therapy session for a random 18-year-old. It’s good Dakota didn’t do too much that made him uncomfortable, but also watching this movie had me bracing my head against my hand, wondering, “Dude, what are you doing?”

This movie falls into the categories of “I’m glad this exists for whoever needs it” and “indulgent semi-autobiography.” The writer and director, Benjamin Howard, is a San Diego native who based the movie “Riley” on his own experiences as a closeted athlete. This piece about him being from San Diego is especially important because when I mentioned the movie to my friend from Santee, her initial response was, “Why would anyone film a movie there?”

Visiting East San Diego isn’t on a lot of people’s bucket lists, and despite being in “liberal California,” there are areas that are more politically conservative than you might expect.

Good for Benjamin Howard for creating a movie that, although maybe not groundbreaking or even all that exciting, probably allowed him to work through some stuff that had been on his mind. Countless other people (and myself) have done the exact same thing: creating art that hopefully helps others but really has an intended audience of one. I would have preferred if Howard’s movie had a stronger resolution beyond Dakota ending things amicably with Skylar and playing a football game. It was like the movie equivalent of when I’m at a nice dinner, and I think we’re all getting dessert, only for everyone else to politely decline the dessert menu. I’ll embrace my inner lemming and pretend I’m finished, but I’ll spend weeks thinking about the creme brulee that could have been.

“Riley” is currently available on Tubi if you have nothing better to do and want to take in the East San Diego scenery.