Read more: I Swear I’m Crying Because of Allergies, Not Because It’s Mother’s Day

Content Warning: This post references multiple people who have passed away.

It’s been a minute since I’ve shared anything on my blog, and I thought the ardent readers of Happy Hagfish might appreciate a brief update on what’s going on in my world. So, here’s the big update: I’ve been dealing with personal matters for the past few months, and the last few weeks were challenging, making it so I could barely do my own work, not to mention keeping up this pop-culture adjacent blog.

But if you are living in the United States (or really anywhere else), you’re most likely aware that it is Mother’s Day. My mother, the person I’m supposed to be celebrating today, passed away almost ten years ago from a malignant brain tumor. Most rational people can approach a holiday as “just another day,” but I’ve always struggled with that mentality. I like celebrating holidays and special occasions, and considering the profound impact Mothers have on society, I think a day to celebrate them is the least we can do (although paid maternity leave, affordable daycare, and lower maternal mortality rates for women of color would be much better).

After my mom passed away, my sister Bean and I did our best to make sure our Yaiyai, our maternal grandmother, had at least a decent Mother’s Day. Yaiyai was never the same after my mom’s diagnosis, and she was never quite as happy as she once was, but I like to think we had a few good times. We went on day trips together, brunched our hearts out, and bought the finest flower bouquets Trader Joe’s had to offer. We were always aware of the gaping hole left in our lives by our mom’s absence, but we wanted to at least try to wring some joy out of our lives.

This year was obviously different. My yaiyai passed away a few months ago and is now celebrating a celestial Mother’s Day with my mom. All of my other grandparents have also passed, and both my mom and my dad had only brothers, so all of my aunts are busy with their own families. Bean and I are not the only people not celebrating Mother’s Day, and it is nice to not feel pressured to book an extravagant brunch or buy a hideous Pandora bracelet charm, but it would have been nice to have something to do.

Instead, we went for a walk in nature, which was admittedly lovely but also made me want to remove my eyeballs ala “Event Horizon” due to the obscene pollen levels in the air. We also watched “Nonnas” on Netflix, which was loosely based on the real-life restaurant Enoteca Maria, a Long Island eatery famous for hiring only grandmothers to do all of the cooking. And we had dinner with our dad, who’s a good guy, and who will probably get an overblown Father’s Day gift this June.

It was fine. Sometimes a holiday really can be just another day.

But, in the meantime, if you know any Yaiyais or Nonnas who could use an extra granddaughter to cook and crochet for, and are willing to exchange that for regular phone calls and the occasional Peruvian Lily bouquet, you know where to find me.