Content Warning: The following post references the lives (and end-of-life)of Daisy and Violet Hilton. It also talks about grief and mortality. If you would like a happier story about conjoined twins, then you may want to read this post I wrote about stupid movies I love, which includes the conjoined twin comedy “Stuck on You” (which I unironically enjoy and find very sweet). I also have a few spoilers for some popular books and movies embedded in here, which sort of make sense in context.

In 2013, I caught a showing of the musical “Side Show,” which was a fictionalized retelling of the lives of Daisy and Violet Hilton. Daisy and Violet were conjoined twins who made their living as a sideshow attraction. The twins were born in 1908 and purchased by Mary Hilton, who forced them to learn to sing and dance for money. They eventually sued for emancipation in 1931, which was granted, and they made their living by performing in vaudeville shows, burlesque shows, and the occasional film.

Their treatment by their former “family” and society in general was shameful. Daisy and Violet were exploited, abused, objectified, and dehumanized for the entirety of their lives.

The musical “Side Show” ends on a melancholic note. In real life, as well as in the musical, the twins refuse separation surgery because of the high risk to their lives. The musical tries to play this off as an empowering decision, as the twins then decide to embrace the possible fame their unique biology would grant them, only to be informed that the film they’re so excited to “star” in would be the cruelly titled “Freaks.“

After I watched this musical, I remember trudging back home feeling particularly deflated. Reading the Wikipedia page for Daisy and Violet Hilton didn’t help either, especially when I got to their post-public lives.

Daisy and Violet Hilton spent their last few years quietly, working in a grocery store and occasionally socializing with people at church and work. At the end of 1968, a flu pandemic swept the globe, and Daisy and Violet were the unfortunate victims of this pandemic.

On January 4th, 1969, after the twins did not report to work, the police found them in their home. Forensics revealed that Daisy first passed away from the flu, and Violet would have succumbed two to four days after her sister.

Marissa Nadler wrote the song, “Daisy, Where Did You Go?” which takes place from Violet’s point of view during that brief period after Daisy passed. I cannot begin to imagine what must have gone through Violet’s mind during that time, but I think about it a lot, especially when I’m feeling sad.

“Daisy, Where Did You Go?” is a gentle melody that encapsulates the feelings of loss and confusion after someone dies. It’s a song that describes what it’s like when so much of your own identity is tied up with someone else’s, and the hole that is left when they’re gone.

Whenever I’m all up in my feelings, especially when I’m in periods of grief, I tend to rotate through a series of sad songs that may or may not be related to the situation at hand. “Bright Eyes” from the 1970’s animated film “Watership Down” was my original go-to. “Who Wants to Live Forever” by Queen (famously sung in the movie “The Highlander” during the scene in which Connor watches helplessly as his beloved Heather ages and dies while he stays young and hunky), is also a great song to cry to.

At the time of posting, it will be All Saints Day, the precursor to All Souls Day, or Día de los Muertos (although there are differences between how the two are celebrated). Dia de los Muertos is a joyous celebration and a time to remember those who’ve passed on. Throughout the years, Dia de los Muertos has become increasingly important to me, and not just because I’m a hoe for holidays. I’ve had to say goodbye to an ever-increasing number of loved ones and the loss wears me down. The thing is that I still want to talk about those people, but it can make other people feel uncomfortable.

Día de los Muertos gives me an opportunity to talk about those people without it being super weird. I can light a candle for them and pretend my mom wants me to glorify her memory by drinking an obscene amount of Abuelita’s hot chocolate. I can play cathartic songs and claim it’s because my dog loved the sirenic voice of Marissa Nadler, but in reality, she was a dog and had no taste.

Recently, Nadler’s “Daisy, Where Did You Go?” has been one of the few songs to speak to me while I’m feeling low. It’s helped me through a difficult time. I appreciate how Nadler wrote about such a tragic experience with so much empathy, which I wish could have been extended to Daisy and Violet in their days of show business. In a way, their experience reminds me of the secret, forbidden love between Evelyn Hugo and Celia St. James in “The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo.” There was a constant price for fame and success. For Evelyn and Celia, they were never able to be open in their relationship. For Daisy and Violet, they constantly had to exploit themselves to remain in the public eye. Fame is really not all-that.

As strange as it seems, listening to this song on repeat brings me comfort. It’s a haunting melody about familial loss that will resonate with anyone who’s lost a family member. I don’t know if Nadler perfectly encapsulated Violet’s last thoughts, but I do think her song immortalizes the Hilton twins. It’s the “Remember Me” for those who spent their last few years forgotten. And when I listen to this song, for a least a little while, I remember them.

If you find yourself interested in the fascinating lives of Daisey and Violet Hilton, the documentary “Bound by Flesh” is currently streaming on Tubi. There’s also the option of catching a showing of the musical, although that closed in 2014.

I will not recommend the movie 1932 film “Freaks” to anyone who is not a horror fan. Although the movie somewhat radically depicted people with disabilities as actual human beings, the ending to that film is so horrifying the mental image of it is permanently embedded in me like a tick.

And if you’re setting up your ofrenda, and have room for an extra person or two, maybe consider putting Daisy and Violet’s picture up there and playing their song.