Hi! I think most age-gap relationships are revolting and poorly written, with a wilful misunderstanding of social power dynamics. These relationships often have a sexist tinge, with the man being in a position of power over the female character. On some level, it seems like it’s meant to appeal to that part of us that longs to be taken care of romantically by someone mature and thoughtful, but the truth is that’s far from what happens.

Often, you’ll see men over 40 enter into relationships with women much younger than them. Two things will likely happen. The woman will out-mature her older man-child, or he’ll eventually dump her once she has the audacity to age over 25. Women will also indulge in this behavior. Unfortunately, far too many people in the world would gladly date someone much younger and inexperienced because they’re often easier to manipulate. There’s a reason the phrase “You’re so mature for your age,” raises so many red flags.

This is a trope I despise, and I really hope it becomes less popular.

However, just because a couple has an age difference doesn’t necessarily mean their love is doomed for failure. I know a few couples who have an age difference and manage to make things work. They’re respectful and caring towards each other. It does happen! And it can also happen in the fictional world, although I think it should be discouraged as often as possible.

One: Colonel Brandon and Marianne Dashwood from “Sense and Sensibility“

Ages: 35 and 17 (Rules were different in 1811; if this was in 2023, I’d call Chris Hansen)

Is it cheating to first include a classic? I don’t know, but maybe. I think their relationship works for several reasons. Although Colonel Brandon falls in love with Marianne at first sight, he’s respectful and considerate of her, and doesn’t actively pursue her until the end of the novel. He falls in love with her because she reminds him of someone he once loved and tragically lost, but also because he appreciates her musical talents and emotional openness. He doesn’t like her because she’s young, but because she’s Marianne.

Although Marianne is extremely young, it isn’t until after her fateful relationship with Willoughby that she even considers Colonel Brandon romantically. An essential component of “Sense and Sensibility” is that Marianne falls in love with Willoughby, has her heart broken, and almost dies. Marianne does a lot of growing in the space between her first meeting with Colonel Brandon, and the time they eventually get together. It’s only after Marianne has had some time to mature independently do they get together.

Two: Sarah Williams and Jareth the Golbin King from “Labyrinth“

Ages: 16 and Unaging Fae Lord

I think this relationship works because it has such overt romantic overtones, yet Sarah never succumbs to the Golbin King’s advances.

To clarify: THEY DO NOT GET TOGETHER IN THIS MOVIE.

At the beginning of the movie, Jareth thinks of Sarah as little more than an annoying, spoiled teenager who needs to be taught a lesson. However, as the story progresses, Sarah quickly becomes a more formidable foe, and Jareth starts to panic. He seems to see her in a new light, and has to engage in other forms of subterfuge to prevent her from solving his labyrinth. When she finally defeats him, it’s clear that the two are on equal footing.

The most romantic things that happen between the leads are a dance set to “As the World Falls Down” and a ton of suggestive dialogue from the Goblin King. Sarah’s goal remains clear throughout the film: solve the Labyrinth and free her brother Tobey.

It’s only because David Bowie is so damn compelling that this movie still exists in the hearts of so many. I am firmly team “Sarah and Jareth get together a few years down the line and it is EXPLOSIVE.”

Three: Jon Martello and Esther from “Don Jon“

Ages: Mid-20s and Middle-Aged

Jon Martello (played and conceptualized by Joseph Gordan-Levitt) is a good-looking womanizer and porn addict in his 20s. Esther is his middle-aged classmate who tragically lost her husband and son in a car accident. These two people from such completely different lives should have never met, and yet they do, and they transform each other. “Don Jon” is a lot more about Jon’s emotional journey and development, so the movie focuses a lot more on how knowing Esther changes him.

Usually when I recommend “Don Jon” to people, they’re not sure how to get past the perceived douchiness of the main character, as well as the fact that it’s a movie with sexual themes written and directed by a man. I understand their hesitation, but I think this movie will still resonate with a lot of people. The main character is initially shallow, incurious, and self-centered. However, his relationships with Barbara (played by Scarlett Johansson) and Esther force him to reconsider how he connects with people and the value of those connections. Jon is challenged through his relationships with each of these women. Although much of the movie deals with his porn addiction, the movie also looks at Jon’s psychological state and feelings of dissatisfaction, emptiness, and loneliness.

I guess you could say this movie is a grower, not a shower.

Four: Georgie Cooper and Mandy McAlister on “Young Sheldon“

Ages: 17 and 29 (In Texas in the 90’s)

Let’s start with how these crazy kids got together. They both lied about their ages, although Mandy came clean before things got too serious. George continued the ruse for awhile, and when he finally felt bad about lying to Mandy, he confessed. She is, understandably, horrified, and breaks things off.

Mandy wants nothing to do with a 17-year-old (good choice), but Georgie is sprung on her and still wants to make things work.

If this show weren’t a sitcom, she would have never talked to him again. Unfortunately for Mandy, she finds out she’s pregnant soon after, and her life falls apart. Her family disowns her, the morning sickness leaves her unable to do her job, and she struggles to pay her bills. And George, despite being only 17, really steps up. He turns out to be an incredibly supportive partner and an even more wonderful father.

Do I hate that writing all of this meant I felt compelled to google the age of consent in Texas? Yes, and I’ll never forgive “Young Sheldon” for making me do that. But George and Mandy, despite their 12-year age difference, kind of work. My guess is they’ll probably break up eventually, especially as in “The Big Bang Theory”, Sheldon mentions that his brother has two ex-wives, but for now, I’m interested in seeing where their story goes.

Five: Sabrina Fairchild and Linus Larrabee in “Sabrina“

Age: 25 and 55

Was Sabrina manipulated in this movie? Yes. Was there a weird power dynamic between the two as Linus’ family employed her father? Yes. Does that stop me from loving this movie? Hell no. Audrey Hepburn and Humphrey Bogart are phenomenal together.

This is a film where Audrey’s charm and loveliness really have a chance to shine. When her character first returns from Paris, she’s confident, sophisticated, and owns every room she swans into. Linus only dates her to distract her from his younger brother, but unsurprisingly, he falls head over heels for her. She, in turn, realizes that the feelings she once had for David have been supplanted by those for Linus, who is a much better match for her.

Honorable Mention: Laura Ingalls Wilder and Almanzo Wilder from “Little House on the Prairie“

Ages: 15 and 25

Yeah, that kind of age gap is hella gross, but there are a few extenuating factors:

1. They lived in DeSmet, South Dakota, in the 1800s. The dating pool was like, seven people and maybe a good-looking donkey.
2. They didn’t get married until Laura was 18, which was pretty common for the time.
3. Laura’s family knew Almanzo and kept a close eye on their relationship.
4. The first few years of their marriage sucked.

Although “These Happy Golden Years” could be posited as a romance, my perspective on this relationship has matured a little since I first read about it 20+ years ago. A few years back, I read “Laura: The Life of Laura Ingalls Wilder” by Donald Zochert, which expanded upon many of the details of Laura’s life that were not included in the original Little House series. Details like Laura’s teen crush on Cap Garland, which she nurtured even as she started going out with Almanzo. Although she eventually liked Almanzo, it seemed her marriage was less a whirl-wind romance and more just a predictable conclusion to an uneventful courtship. Laura and Almanzo then faced many awful hardships that easily would have torn apart any other couple, including the death of their infant son, as well as poverty, debt, and illness. Given the time and setting, Laura and Almanzo were bound together, and there was no out.

When I think about their relationship now, I think there is something sweet and tender about how Laura portrayed herself and Almanzo. Almanzo is often cast in a chivalric, heroic role, like when he drives her home on weekends so she could spend time with her family. She emphasized his selflessness and generosity. She wrote about the many kind acts he did for her and for her family. And she wrote about their fun times together, like when they went on buggy rides and to singing school.

Laura Ingalls and Almanzo Wilder did not have a romance-novel relationship. They didn’t meet and immediately fall in love. Our boy probably wasn’t singing like a Rodgers and Hammerstein musical in the early stages of their courtship. Instead, their love was built over many years of struggle and tragedy. It was a love born out of consideration, care, and teamwork. One where, despite the fact that Laura claimed she wasn’t a feminist and had no interest in voting, she was an equal, essential member of their partnership. That kind of love is pretty special.