Disclaimer: “Ice Planet Barbarians” is owned by Ruby Dixon. I own nothing and I wrote this article for funsies. If you want to know more about Ruby Dixon’s work, here’s a link to her website. The special print edition of Ice Planet Barbarians is out now, and you can get yourself a copy!
I think “Ice Planet Barbarians” should be a TV show. I also think that if it ever becomes a TV show, I should be hired as part of the writing staff, because that would be amazing. I have a lot of good ideas and even more strong opinions, so Netflix, if you’re reading this, hit me up. I’m even willing to fetch donuts and coffee for the writers!
In the meantime, before this series is picked up by Netflix or HBO, I thought it would be appropriate to create a fancast to help readers imagine the kind of show they were in for.
I cannot believe how hard I worked on this fancast.
Scratch that; I totally can, but I’m not proud of it. Y’all, I spent literal days looking up TV actors and actresses to fill this out. I’ve watched so many random TV shows. I watched almost every episode of “On My Block” just because I wanted to see if some of the actors might be appropriate for my fancast. But, of course, then I got caught up in the gang storyline and Monse and Cesar’s romance, so I guess I can’t blame this fancast for everything I’ve done in the past month or so.
So pretty please believe me when I say that I took this fancast seriously. Far too seriously. I should be ashamed for how much time I sunk into this, but honestly, seeing all the characters together made me kind of happy, so I’m excited to do an entire cast reveal.
Now without further ado, I present…
One of my proposed changes for “Ice Planet Barbarians: The TV Show” is that an Inuit actress should be cast as Georgie. I think that Annabella Piugattuk, an Inuit actress living in Canada, should be that person. Annabella’s first (and only) role was as Kanalaaq in “The Snow Walker.” This is the woman I could see totally crushing it as Georgie. I’ve already written an article about why I think she would be great in the role, but I recommend watching “The Snow Walker” for yourself to understand.
Kayvan Novak is incredible in “What We Can Do In the Shadows.” While on that show, the man has bravely strapped on weird sex harnesses, 1980’s gym clothes, and a Jansport backpack, all while looking like he could crush you in his fist. Please let him be the chief of the Sa-Khui.
Liz is probably the best character in the series because she says whatever she wants, and she can kick your ass while saying it. So it goes without saying that Liz should be played by a badass. Caity Lotz is that badass. She’s been playing Sara Lance/The Canary/White Canary in the CW’s Arrowverse for the past few years, but I know her best as Ava in “The Machine.” There is a scene in “The Machine” that has lived in my mind rent-free for years (it involves a lot of robots and ass-kicking). Go watch it when you have a chance.
Update: I’ve heard some people suggest that Katheryn Winnick from “Vikings” would be an excellent Liz, and I do agree with them! In fact, she was one of my original choices for Liz, but given that Liz in the books is 22, and the lovely Katheryn Winnick is 44, I thought I would try to look for other actresses slightly closer in age. That being said, I think Lagertha is gorgeous, tough-as-nails, and absolutely the kind of person I could see Liz growing into. Thank you for the input!
It goes without saying that Tom Hopper is a beast. He looks like he could press nails into trees with his bare hands. At the moment, he’s playing Luther Hargreeves in “The Umbrella Academy,” but I think he has it in him to play our grumpy-but-loveable Raahosh.
Christian Serratos recently had a stint as Selena in “Selena: The Series” and has also been doing some stuff in “The Walking Dead.” Not that I’ve ever seen an episode of “The Walking Dead,” but still, good for her. However, the role that sold me on her for Kira was one she took on a few years back: Angela Weber in the Twilight Series. Some of my casting choices may be controversial, but I will not budge on this one. “Ice Planet Barbarians,” the TV Show, needs a Twilight alum, and I think Christian would be the best Kira we could hope for.
Vincent Rodriguez III is a total dreamboat. He’s also a gifted dancer, singer, and all-around funny person. Aehako is a charming guy, the kind of dude who could make it with the only ladies in an all-male tribe, but he’s also a total romantic. How many guys do you know who would be happy to carve a bone dildo for you to try out pre-relationship? I think Vincent is the guy for the job. He was hilarious on “Crazy Ex-Girlfriend,” so I have no doubt he’ll be able to play Aehako. Also, canonically the Sa-Khui are bad singers, but I think it would be great if Aehako was a beautiful songbird.
Molly Quinn is such a cutie! She also looks exactly like how I imagined Harlow. Most people might know her as Alexis Castle from “Castle,” as well as “We’re the Millers.” Full disclosure: I’ve never watched an episode of “Castle,” and I’m sure I’m missing out.
If you know who James Godfrey is, then you’re either related to him or a big fan of the Disney Channel Original Movie “Z-O-M-B-I-E-S.” I wrote about that movie franchise last week, and I have a lot of strong opinions about it. One of my strong opinions is that James Godfrey is an underrated treasure, and it’s ridiculous that he hasn’t been cast in more stuff. In “Z-O-M-B-I-E-S,” he plays the zombie-speaking “Bonzo,” a scary, gentle giant. In that ridiculous movie, he’s the only person who is even remotely frightening, so I think he has every ability to play our lovable savage Rukh.
Saoirse-Monica Jackson is probably best known as “Erin Quinn” in “Derry Girls.” If you haven’t watched that show, please stop reading this article and watch it now. “Derry Girls” is one of the funniest shows streaming right now, and I’ve been waiting forever for the 3rd session. Saoirse nails her character, an awkward, pretentious, but passionate young woman, and I think she’d be a fantastic Claire.
Part of the reason I think she’d be so great is how I imagine Claire in this tv series. Basically, if something unfortunate or awkward happens, I want it to happen to Claire. So Claire is going to be the one who trips and falls in the snow. Claire will be the one to butcher a dvisti incorrectly and have to face the consequences. And Claire will be the one to get stuck to the frozen outhouse in the middle of the night. So she’ll need to be paired with someone who also has fantastic comedic timing, like…
Harvey Guillen has the sweetest face. He’s also about 5′ 8″. He’s what most people would refer to as a “short king.” Well, reader, I want him to play the king of Claire’s heart. But, readers, don’t let that kind face fool you – behind those hazel eyes lurks a deadly vampire killer. I realized something interesting about Erevan the other day – he is the only mated Sa-khui male who does not have a narrative. We never get to see his rich inner world.
Now, dear reader, based on what the other Sa-khui men think about, you might think that his rich inner world is repeating some variation of “I enjoy having sex with Claire” and “Claire is the best” over and over again, but I want to give Erevan a little makeover. So here’s my proposal for this fake TV show: Erevan will be the most intelligent of the Sa-khui people. And the shortest. But he will be the first to catch on to and appreciate the technological advances that the human women bring to Not-Hoth. Advancements like the alphabet, indoor plumbing, and metal tools.
I’m excited for the scene where he first meets Claire: their eyes will meet, and he’ll lose his heart to her. She’ll forget who he is in twenty seconds because Bek is flirting with her. It’s the beginning of every epic romance.
Ruby Barker was the lovely Marina Thompson in “Bridgerton.” She was the season’s incomparable, the woman that every man wanted. I don’t think it’s a stretch to be cast as Tiffany, the woman every man wants. However, it’s not just Ruby’s beauty that makes her perfect for the role, but also the strength and depth she brought to Marina’s character. Marina is somewhat unlikeable on paper, but in Ruby’s hands, the character felt tragic and nuanced. I want to see what she would bring to Tiffany, the girl who can do no wrong.
Rahul Kohli is a hunk. I could say more, but do I need to? I mean, just look at them. You’ve probably seen them in “iZombie,” “The Haunting of Bly Manor,” “Midnight Mass,” or in your dreams. They’re also a good actor, and I highly recommend checking out some of their performances.
“Meg Donnelly was also in Z-O-M-B-I-E-S!” You shout at me. “You can’t have two actors from the same Disney Channel Original Movie in your fancast! You already did that for ‘What We Do in the Shadows,’ which is forgivable because both of those actors are hilarious and underrated!”
I hear you, I understand you, and trust me, I get where you’re coming from. I feel a bit like I’m cheating for casting this actress, but the truth is, I’m doing it because I think she’d be good in the role! Meg is a talented performer. She comes across as so sweet and authentic, so you can’t help but cheer her on. I want to see this young woman bring her talents to Not-Hoth!
Julio Macias broke my heart in “On the Block,” and I’m not going to tell you why. You know, spoilers and all that. Though believe me when I tell you that I think Julio has the range to play Haeden. Haeden is a sour lemon with a secret soft side. He’s terrified of losing the people he loves and says the wrong thing at the wrong time. But he’s also deeply romantic, brave, and caring, something I know Julio could convey.
Dear reader, I hope you’ve enjoyed this peek into my fan-casting for “Ice Planet Barbarians: The TV Show.” Now I’m dying to know what you think of my cast, and who would you want to play these roles?