Happy Turkey to my lovely readers!

Those who know me understand that today is my least favorite day of the year, on account to the weeks of stress that go into what is essentially an ode to gluttony, except the food isn’t even that good.

Those who don’t know me just learned that I hate Thanksgiving.

But just because I hate this day doesn’t mean the you deserve to go without entertainment! I’m currently working in a few projects that are incomplete, but until those are ready, I’ve compiled a few Thanksgiving-themed clips to keep you entertained while you wait out the hours until the grand feast.

Content Warning: Some of the following clips are not-safe-for-family, so maybe don’t watch these with grandma.

This is the only non-scripted clip of the bunch, but if you’re looking to get schmammered and bake 400 pumpkin cakes to decorate your tablescape, there’s no one like Sandra Lee, our patron saint of emetic cuisine and immaculate set decorations.

If you or your loved ones struggle with media literacy then this Amy Sedaris clip may not be for you.

In this clip, a pardoned turkey returns to his seller to seek revenge. as pardoning turkeys is the stupidest tradition of all-time, I like to imagine the pardoned turkeys going out into the world and letting slip the dogs of war.

SNL called me out in this clip by mentioning the dog thing. Listen, I don’t want to bring my dogs everywhere, but I have a creepy, co-dependent relationship with them so they have to come to Thanksgiving with me.

Darlene McBride is a country singer and racist monster. If she was a real person, she’d probably work as a FOX News correspondent on The Five until she said something so horrible even the network wouldn’t be able to stand behind her (because at the end of the day, she’s still a woman), and then she’d write a book about cancel culture. Then she’d start a podcast.

Martin tragically lost his parents on Thanksgiving, so his friends go above and beyond to show him the true meaning of family.

Is there anything more awkward than visiting home after moving away and realizing your parents are human beings just trying to figure out life for the first time?

A nice, suburban dad becomes the unwitting conduit in a conversation between his two daughters. A turkey also gets stuffed, if you know what I mean.

Thanks, Obama. You pardoned the wrong turkey.

While I hope your Thanksgiving is a relaxing, joyful affair, for many of us, we’ll be avoiding conversational landmines, especially with it being an election year. So maybe have some non-controversial conversational tidbits on hand, like the main points of this Happy Hagfish post about the movie “Turkey Hollow.”

Or better yet, why not just avoid conversation entirely, put on some Charlie Brown, take that long “special” walk right before dinner (the kind that makes you hungry and your food taste better), and enjoy your feast.

And comfort yourself with the knowledge that this is only one day, and it’ll be over before you know it.