Other people have written about this movie and have more profound things to say than I do. If you’re a steady reader of this blog, you may be curious why someone who identifies as a secular humanist would want to watch a movie musical about the birth of Jesus. And here’s one of my weird confessions: I really like the story of the Nativity. Like, I enjoy it a lot. Enough that I’ve watched several film versions of it, including the 2010 BBC version starring Tatiana Maslany (wonderful) and that televised version of the bible (hot garbage). I enjoy the story, the same way I enjoy reading renditions of “The Twelve Dancing Princesses.” 

I was raised Greek Orthodox, and to my knowledge, I’ve never seen anything in Greek Orthodox or Catholic culture that comes close to the kinds of films Protestant creators make. Aside from maybe the film “Dogma,” all of the Christian films I’ve ever seen have a distinctly American, Protestant slant that feels slightly alienating, even though so many of these movies are made for the lowest common denominator.

I should also say that the idea of a musical about “The Nativity” doesn’t sit well with me, at least not in the style presented in the trailer. I understand that some musicals, like “Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat,” and “Jesus Christ Superstar” are based on stories from the bible (and were both created by Andrew Lloyd Webber and Tim Rice), so this is not a new idea, but those musicals introduce deliberate historical anachronisms to bring a fresh perspective to the story. And I love “The Prince of Egypt,” a very sincere retelling of the Exodus, but Jeffrey Katzenberg, the executive director, consulted multiple religious experts to ensure the story was as accurate and respectful as possible. 

I wasn’t sure how “Journey to Bethlehem” would play out. For anyone who is curious, I’ve written out a list of my thoughts. Also, major spoilers to follow, though I guess not if you’ve read the bible.

One: No one went to see this movie when I did. I thought some young Christian club would pay for their congregation to see it, and I felt anxious about getting there on time. I had nothing to worry about. Seeing this movie in an empty theatre definitely improves the experience.

Two: The pop version of “O Come, O Come Emmanual” started well enough but quickly devolved into an overproduced pop overture. I had mixed feelings but was hopeful the remainder of the musical would feel more natural. In retrospect, the best parts of this musical were when it embraced these little anachronisms. 

Three: “Mary’s Getting Married” is the first real musical number of the movie and makes “Journey to Bethlehem” feel like the High School Musical version of the Nativity. At this point in the movie, my friend and I googled the film’s creators. Adam Anders, the director and writer, and Peter Barsocchini, the other writer, have worked on projects like “Rock of Ages” and “High School Musical.” Sometimes, it doesn’t feel good to be right.

Four: I’m glad Antonio Banderas is in a musical and gets to sing his little heart out. Although the movie didn’t seem to know how to portray the character, King Herod. The guy is pretty well-known for ordering the Massacre of the Innocents, an event that’s skipped over in this movie (this brutal event is shown in the 2006 movie “The Nativity Story.”) The focus on Herod’s ego and greed painted him as more of a Snidely Whiplash-style villain.

Five: Mary (Fiona Paloma) and Joseph (Milo Manheim) are introduced via a meet-cute that goes poorly. Mary doesn’t like Joseph because he’s a bit too flirty, which sets up the major conflict in this story as: “Will Mary and Joseph get together?”

Which they do. 

They canonically get together. 

(Whether or not that was “romantically” is up for debate)

Six: Once Mary sings her tragic ballad about feeling overwhelmed with the magnitude of raising the Savior of Mankind, something sad becomes clear. This song illustrates what should have been the real conflict of this movie, a.k .a. how Mary, a young woman with no resources in a cruel world, would be expected to give birth to and be a single mother to a divine child. Not to get too annoying about this point, but as the story goes, Mary accepted what the angel said by saying, “Behold, I am the handmaid of the Lord; let it be to me according to your word.” (Luke 1:38) 

So, while this song should have been one of the most important moments in the movie, it fell flat. Unfortunately, this is due to both how the writers designed Mary’s character and how she was portrayed by Fiona Paloma. The creators seemed unsure if Mary should be headstrong and outspoken or meek and pious, and so they seemed to settle on an in-between version that never felt quite right. Fiona Paloma has a beautiful singing voice and a lovely face, but as Mary, she just kind of stands there, looking pretty. Neither she nor the creators could commit to a singular version of Mary, and so, as a result, we get a character that we’re supposed to like but don’t connect with. 

Seven: Meanwhile, the creators seemed to know exactly how they wanted this version of Joseph to play out (my friend referred to him as a “loveable scamp.”) I wouldn’t call it an accurate portrayal of the character, but at least it was a character, unlike Mary. Milo Manheim was carrying this movie on his too-young shoulders. He had enough charisma for him and Fiona Paloma, but some of his scenes went overboard. The musical number of him literally fighting himself over whether or not to believe Mary and the Immaculate Conception came off a lot sillier than I’m sure the director intended. 

If I recall correctly, the 2006 film (starring a perfectly cast and age-appropriate Oscar Isaac as Joseph) featured a simple scene in which Joseph dreams an angry mob is going to stone Mary, but when he holds the stone in his hand, the angel speaks to him. It’s a lot simpler, and better for it.

Eight: Joseph tracks Mary down, says he believes her, and wants to marry her. However, Mary is hesitant because she was never super into him. I believe at this moment I screamed into an empty theatre, “THIS IS A DEUS EX MACHINA, YOU STUPID IDIOT.” 

Listen, I get that Mary and Joseph got off on a bad start, but when you’re an unwed, pregnant teenager in the year -1 B.C., and a hot guy with a good job is super into you despite the very sus nature of your pregnancy, you should go for it. 

I did like the little musical number Mary and Joseph had at their wedding. It was a simple number featuring the two of them dancing by themselves, but it worked. 

Nine: Eventually, things get worse with Herod and the Wise Guys, who haul ass to Bethlehem. I think it’s interesting how various productions of the Nativity portray the interactions between these characters, and the choice to play this interaction as a comedy is funny if you pretend Herod is a bumbling goof and not a ruthless murderer. 

There is a character named Antipater who follows Herod around and adds nothing to the story, and almost feels like a character from a more serious, lower-budget film. Antipater is King Herod’s son who reluctantly follows Herod’s orders (I had to google this info after the movie). I did not care about this character in the slightest, and my least favorite movie trope is “Grown-Up Men with Daddy Issues,” but ironically, Antipater has one of the best songs in the musical. 

Ten: Joseph and the super-pregnant Mary go on a grueling journey to Bethlehem, and it is not the stuff of musicals. It’s a short montage of the two characters and their pack mule looking miserable (the 2006 version had a lot more journeying). Joseph dotes on Mary like she’s, well, heavily pregnant with the son of God. 

Because this is a movie, Mary goes into labor at an inconvenient time, and gives birth in a grody little manger, although by this point in the film, Joseph may as well have been the one having the baby with all the work he has to do. Joseph embraces the whole “Dad Who Stepped Up” ideology and simultaneously cleans the manger, sets up Mary for delivery, and helps her through the birth like a registered midwife. He’s crying once the baby Jesus is born, and I like to think it’s because he’s just so tired. 

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There’s some conflict with Antipater choosing not to k*ll baby Jesus, but he decides to follow his heart or something and reject his cruel daddy’s whims. I didn’t like his storyline.

Joseph decides to take Mary and Baby Jesus to Egypt to avoid all of the violence and murder. There’s a cute scene of the Wise Guys wishing the young family well, and the movie ends with Mary giving Joseph a well-earned smooch. Yes, I’m aware of my problematic use of “well-earned,” but that’s what the narrative tells us. 

As a fan of romances and musicals, I loved the kiss at the end. Two extremely pretty people kissed to show their love and embrace their new life as a family of three (who would likely go on to have more children). It’s a very sweet idea.

As someone semi-familiar with Catholic and Orthodox teachings, this moment, and the entire build-up of their relationship, made me pause.

Extra thought: I think Catholics will dislike this movie. If I’m wrong, please correct me. In the Catholic and Orthodox faith, Mary remained a virgin after the birth of Jesus, and Joseph never consummated his marriage with her. The guy is referred to as “St. Joseph” in Catholicism, and he’s often portrayed as a man in his 60s. After watching this movie, I called my Yaiyai to confirm whether Joseph and Mary had children after Jesus. Her response was simple, “No, but Americans think they did.”

 The 1999 movie “Dogma” addresses this controversy as the main character is the last scion. It’s wild to me that in 1999, Kevin Smith was receiving death threats for his movie, and now, in 2023, two young adult actors representing the Virgin Mary and St. Joseph can share a smooch. It makes me think of what my Yaiyai said, and I feel like this is the kind of movie that could only have been conceived of in the United States. 

If you like cheesy musicals and Milo Manheim, then you’ll probably love this movie. I’m a fan of both, and despite my snark, “Journey to Bethlehem” was very entertaining. I had a good time watching this movie. I wouldn’t call it the best movie ever or even the best retelling of the Nativity, but the soundtrack is a lot of fun and there are some good performances. I’d say with Christmas around the corner, “Journey to Bethlehem” has earned a spot in your holiday movie rotation.